Sunday, January 22, 2012

My plea

I've got her spirit and she's always got my back.

I see myself like my mother does...

If you know me you know I don't really do emotion. Not the real kind.  I hate to feel anything. I am terrified to feel.  It is a downfall of mine that has gotten me through the last ten plus years.  I always thought that it only applied to nonchalant issues but as this situation seems to present itself I have found that I slip farther and farther into the woods.  I'm hiding.  I'm avoiding.  I'm running...

But she needs me. She tells me she does. Her daughter that runs away from pain, her daughter that runs away from doom, her daughter that runs away from stress is the daughter she needs. 

I need to find the strength. I know it is there. This is my calling. My mother is my life, she gave me life; I would give my life for her life.

Help me find this strength...

Friday, January 13, 2012



We know this word. We fear this word. Most of us do everything in our power to live a clean and healthy life in any way to prevent this word.

What if that isn't enough? What if it doesn't really matter?

What if?

I have decided to talk about it. 

My mom has cancer. 

Words I never expected to say. Words I never wanted to say. Words I wish I could take back.