Monday, January 17, 2011

Year 2

Life is not only measured by our immense accomplishments.  It is also about the little victories. This past few days I have been visiting with my parents during their first visit together to New York.  It is funny to think they have never been here to see where I live, until now.  Nonetheless, I got the chance to show them my neighborhood, my favorite places, my favorite people, and all my usual stomping grounds.  During their visit we got to talking about how I have been feeling since completing my year here.  I never expected to have negative thoughts after achieving all I wanted.

My mom reminded me that sometimes it really is not in the big picture but the small puzzle pieces that slowly connect.  Every day I am working on my life's picture. Every day I add another piece and get closer to the big picture.  I knew a few months ago that I was not finished here in New York and I think it is even more evident now.  As I sobbed when I said goodbye to my parents I also knew that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I miss them but I know I have their support and love. Their visit has given me more strength and determination than ever. I now know how I want to mold this next adventure here.  I know what I want to accomplish in New York.  I even know how to do it.

The first year I was getting my feet wet. It is safe to say I was learning the ropes in this foreign town. I can best describe it like that of your first apartment.  It takes time to figure out how to save space, where and how to store all your junk, how you want to decorate each room.  It takes time to chose the paint colors, pillows, and decor.  Each new apartment after the first it is easier.  You may make minor adjustments and improvements to fit each new space but the base decisions pretty much stay the same.  I think that is exactly how life is here.  It takes time to paint this city with your individual colors.

I was walking home tonight with the biggest smile on my face. I think the people on the street thought I was frozen that way because I was getting some odd looks. I cannot stop smiling. I am surrounded by the most amazing family and friends who live far away but support every decision I am making right now.  I also have the most incredible friends, family, and support group in New York. I am so excited to make the most of this adventure. Can you imagine how amazing it can get? I am excited to do what I want to here.  I am thrilled to do things I never knew I wanted to do. I excited to build on the decor of my first year.  

So, tomorrow I start my list. My list of small "to do's" that will eventually define year #2.  This is my plan.  This year will be about places to see, events to partake in, and people to love. Maybe all the breaks and mistakes were supposed to carry me here. This time I will get it right. My life is passing by and this time I am going to get it right. Nothing will stop me now.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snow and the City!

Snow Day in New York City?  Well, that doesn't sound fun.  As far as I am concerned a snow day means you get to stay in your pj's all day watching TV in front of the fireplace. Where is my fireplace?
I have to work today.  In fact I have to go into work several hours earlier than normal.  I have to go out in the snow and pretend to enjoy myself.  Don't get me wrong, I actually love the snow but on my own terms.  I do not appreciate that my only pair of snow boots broke yesterday. I do not appreciate the fact my parents might not be able to fly in today. I do not appreciate walking in 3 ft. of snow to work. I do not appreciate this snow day in NYC.

I want to be in Atlantis with the Sewell's.  I want to be in Southern California with the Gronau's and Johnson's.  I want to be in Colorado with David and Kelly.  I wouldn't mind a trip to Arizona to be with the Mack's.   I want to run away. I want out. ( but do I really?)

I am tired of pretending today. I am tired of the inconsistency of this city and the people in it.

Running away not my answer. I know this.  I do not know what it is about this new year that frightens me so much. I have been in a bad funk ever since the first day of 2011.  I have never liked "odd" years and I think I have just set myself up to fail.  I assume that after such a productive and amazing year last year I am doomed for something bad now.  I just sit here waiting for it to happen. Who does that? What is wrong with me?

Today I accept a new challenge. Today I make a pact with myself to stay positive and accept anything and everything that comes my way with open arms. Even the damn snow.  Of course I do not appreciate this snow day but I will make the best from it. I will hold it in my hands, form it to fit my hands and throw it in my direction of choice; much like life.  I will smile through this day no matter how I feel inside. I will smile through this year and prosper to new heights.  I will because I want to.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

365 days and the city

one year. 365 days.

Something feels quite off today. I should be happier than I am.  I feel uneasy. Maybe I am overreacting but I am usually right with these feelings. Something has changed. I don't want it to change. I want progress. I feel like right as I was beginning to open up the door is closing.

My blog today should be about this one year milestone that I have achieved but there really is not much to say about it.  I set a goal when I was a kid and today I successfully accomplished it. But now what? Where do I go from here? What goal do I set for myself? I never expected to feel sadness today.