Friday, August 24, 2012

New reality

Most girls I know are "daddy's girls". I love my dad. He has always been a staple in my life but I'm a mommas girl. Always have been. We are two peas in a pod. We fight. We disagree, often. I sometimes cannot stand her opinions but I don't make a decision without calling her. I take pictures from dressing rooms of an outfit for her approval. I never take her dating advice but I giggle about it when I ask.  We talk as soon as I wake up and before I go to bed, every single day. 

Well, that was up until 9 months ago. 

I always viewed my mom as strong and powerful. She could accomplish anything she set her mind to. This cancer has stripped her of that. She is weak. She is scared. She is defeated. She isn't fighting; at least how I imagined her to fight. Where is that woman I knew that wasn't afraid of who she pissed off with her opinion? Funny thing is I seem to emulate her if the situation was reversed and she hates it! She tells me I'm too harsh.  I'm too strict. Ha. Oh mom! You need it. 

I know I'm selfish in saying this but I miss my mom. I miss our conversations. I miss her voice. I miss her opinions.  I miss her spunk and unwarranted criticism. 

She has to get better. She has to get stronger. She just has to... 

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